Avirtuouswoman's Blog

Well, since the last post in July, I’ve been able to work with the Leslie Sansone DVD – Walk Off Pounds.  It’s the very mild one that leads you to do aerobic walking equal to a mile. Considering that I haven’t engaged in any exercise program for many, many years, this was an excellent place to start.  Of course, my appetites that I had before the weight loss are fighting me, and I actually forgot to do it one day.  New ground rule: I will walk with the dvd 6 days a week – Sunday is optional.  I now feel that I could use accountability partners – those who will check up on me, Monday – Saturday. Something simple, “remember to exercise today”. Thanking you in advance. ” Diva du Jour” Carroll

Very, very happy to have reached goal of losing 100 lbs. It was challenging with many unknowns being revealed as obstacles, hurdles and propulsion devices.  But we made it. No way could this journey have been successful without lots and lots of support and I will be eternally grateful for that support.  Now to implement the strategies for the next leg of the journey. Tactic #1 – exit from Medifast.  The program did what it was supposed to do and I would recommend it to anyone who needs a rapid weight loss program AND who is willing to put themselves under supervision.  Tactic #2 – Transition.  This wasn’t something I had planned to do, but I am convinced (medical advice) that it is necessary. It involves adding back to the diet, the foods that were restricted during the journey.  This includes some of the starchier veggies (see previous post), fruit, dairy and whole grains. This takes more discipline because of the multiplicity of choices. I do see results as I maintain the loss.  Tactic #3 and Finale.  Join Weight Watchers for the support, research results and structure that I, now, admit that I need. I can’t do it by myself. And God did not design us to be independent of Him or our neighbors. So onward and downward.  My new weight loss goal is to be below 150 lbs. I am 5’7″ and I look GOOD at 175 and spectacular at 150. WooHoo!!!

Yeah! I get my peas back.  What a strange thing to be excited about. Now that I’ve reached my first major goal, my doctor and I agree that it’s time to move on to the next stage. For over a year I have not had bread, fruit or starchy vegetables following the Medifast program. Following the plan was not difficult. The difficulty comes with changing my mindset. I know in my head all the reasons for walking the straight and narrow for the rest of the journey. But there are 18 inches between my head and my heart full of obstacles, potholes, valleys of despair and frustration and who knows what. Well, I know that I made it this far supported by the prayers of those who cared.  I’m going to still need those prayers. The Medifast program has a transitional stage where you add back to your regimen, vegetables, fruit, dairy, whole grains, verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry  slowly.  I’ll have to be patient and trusting God to keep me on track. I am so grateful for grace – it’s amazing! And it will take me all the way.  Green Peas – Look out, here I come. LOL

I heard this on the radio … “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, It’s about dancing in the rain.”  I’m teaching myself that I’ve always lived, holding my breath waiting to exhale.  Always waiting for that phone call to come announcing that some tragedy had taken place.  When the phone call came in 2008, I did not accept it – I didn’t believe it – someone made a mistake …. I held my breath until SOMEONE brought a correction, but none came. What does that have to do with my 100lb weight loss journey?  I’ve been waiting, holding my breath for that number that represented the end of the journey, that the storm had passed, now there is nothing but clear sailing ahead, no more rainy days, no more cloudy days, but sunshine is just around the bend.  How unrealistic. With 7 lbs to go, I’ve got to hurry up and learn to dance in the rain.

When you’ve been so overweight for such a long time, expecting your heart to give up and give out from overbearing punishment, you tell yourself…”when I lose this weight, life will be, well, almost perfect”.  You desperately want to solve all your problems by tackling one “big” one. But it’s more than that. Someone said that the distance between the head and the heart is 18″.  That sounds manageable. I’m here to tell you, it isn’t that simple. Your head knows that you have lost a sizable amount of weight, your back doesn’t hurt anyone, and you can now redistribute the money you were spending on medicine designed to stave off that heart attack.  It’s all good, BUT it’s more than that. The heart knowledge/acceptance takes longer.  I don’t see the skinny chick that everyone is talking about. And at age 69, I don’t care if I ever see the skinny chick.  What I want most is a change in attitude that supports me in eating to live instead of living to eat. That’s my major, major challenge – the cravings, the phantom cravings.  I make a declaration: (and ask for prayer) that I WILL get on the exercise bicycle. Where’s the connection? I don’t know, but I do know that my dislike for exercise is blocking something that’s going to take me to where I really want to be.  Totally free from depending on food to respond to my emotions. Whewwww. It’s more than that.

Since I last posted. No, I didn’t fall off the wagon.  No more freakish road bumps such as fat-free saltine crackers or gourmet cheese.  I’m still with Medifast, and if God is willing, I will be with Medifast until I hit the 100 lb lost mark. The good news is that I’m pill-free from treatment for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes.  So I have to believe that this is a period of readjustment. Actually, for a week or two, my weight went up.  Then I remembered that my release from the medication entailed a release from an artificial diuretic that was combined in the drug to treat high blood pressure.  At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Also, I experienced a tremendous amount of stress when I hit the wall with the bleakest financial picture in decades. I have since seized control of my mind, along with an increase in determination.  And we’re moving on up (or actually, down) Look out world, 100 lb weight loss is on the horizon.  Loving it here in ONEderland. LOL

I’ve crossed over into a new category. WooooHooo.  The journey continues, but I need to stop for a second and celebrate. I am so grateful to everyone who prays for me.  Warm thoughts are welcomed. The temptations are many, the emotions are off the charts, there are speed bumps at every turn.  I’m keeping my eyes on the prize, the victory, the achievement, (new underwear).  Peter was able to walk on the water until he took his eyes off of the prize – touching Jesus. So, I’ll not look down or at the things around me.  While I much appreciate all of the comments regarding my improved appearance, it’s about freedom from the medication that propels me forward. I’m also looking to identify that which is effective in pulling me, posed in front of me. I think I know, but I’m going to ponder this just a little longer. Before I know it, it will be time to implement the “plan”. To everyone – Be Blessed!!!

Tracking the Journey

Good, good news. I’m back on track – minus the fat-free saltine crackers.  What a difference.  At my last Doctor’s appt. I’d lost 11 lbs (since the previous month) and more importantly, more medication reduction with a promise of complete withdrawal depending on the results of tests performed on March 1.  I’m so grateful that God has blessed me with those who pray for me daily. Even the donation of clothes for the new and improved bod. I need help on this last leg of the journey. Taking it day by day, step by step. Oh Happy Day!!!!

First of all, let me say…it’s a process.  Trashing dragons doesn’t happen over night. The process is deceptive. With one day of success, all kinds of challenges will surface. They are disguised as “you’re really hungry”, “one little bit of this or that won’t hurt”, “You’ve been so good up until now – you deserve a reward”, “no one will know”, “you can get back on track”  etc.  Another thing that’s deceptive about dragons is their true size. Initially, they appear to be small, insignificant transgressions. The reality for me is that any transgression is significant because it’s going to cost me time and money.  If I decide to allow the dragon to win, that’s my choice.  No one has the right to criticize me for making my choices. This is AMERICA! Hello? I’ve made the quality decision to trash specific dragons. The first one to go is … get ready… wait for it… exposed before God and all mankind … Fat-free Saltine crackers. I had allowed myself to get hooked on fat-free saltine crackers. The diet I’m on (Medifast) is relatively bland. And I had been missing the savory aspect of my food.  I found fat-free saltines – the generic kind so that I wouldn’t feel guilty about the extra .02 or .03. Well, it started out with just 2 crackers – no problem. I still lost weight. But 2 crackers grew into 5 crackers, then 10 crackers, then a whole box of crackers.  Crackers in the morning, noon and evening as fillers. With Medifast, I visit the restroom frequently (I drink 84 – 100 oz of liquid each day). Three Am, 5 am, 7 am. I’d go to the restroom, come back with a small bowl of crackers. The dragon had taken over. One day, I said, enough is enough. On January 5, 2010 I began the process of trashing the dragon identified as fat-free saltine crackers. I’m free, I intend to stay free. I may never eat another fat-free cracker on this side of Heaven.  And that works for me. I’d rather reach my goal of a perfect size 10 rather than to feed the fat-free saltine cracker dragon.  AND no substitutes, thank you.